WARNING: this is a compilation incongruous thoughts as they run through my head... I have wondered lately why we (as humans) so often put on a facade. It is as if our culture and society will not allow us to be true to ourselves and real. We must work at pleasing everyone else by becoming what (or what we think) they expect of us. I see it in myself and I see it in others. A few weeks ago I met this guy at work. He is the most confident person I think I have ever met, but he's not cocky. He is very sure of himself and he is not concerned with what others say to him or about him. He's probably the friendliest guy one would meet and he is fun to talk to. He takes everything in stride, yet ramains true to who he knows he is. He knows what he wants and he persues it. He's not afraid to tell you what he thinks and he doesn't care if you think his ideas and opinions are stupid. I've only known this guy for a few weeks and already I want him to become a good friend. He has alluded to some less than ideal circumstances in his past and I am intrigued by history. I guess I really just want to know what "makes him tick". I find that I am more fake than real. I really don't know who I am (actually, I hate that phrase, I think its used way to much as an excuse for bad behavior). I know I am a moral person with good morals and I hold myslef to a high standard; however, I struggle with my stand on many issues. I am afraid I have lived my life spouting off what I have been taught by others instead of speaking my mind about what I have learned on my own. Some things I am sure of, but so many others I question. For example...I believe frimly that God is God, Jesus is His Son, and the Bible is God's Word. The Bible was given to us for instruction. I, as a believer, am obligated to study Scripture for myself and live my life as closely to its instruction and priniciples and I possibly can. However, that leaves roon for a lot of gray area...such issues that I am personally questioning include: fonication/no touch rules, drunkenness/social drinking, obedience to parents/adulthood, abstain from all appearance of evil/Jesus ate with publicans, sinners, and harlots, be in the world/but not of the world, fight for your beliefe/love your neighbor, judge not/use discernment, I really just want to know who I am and know what I believe. I don't want to argue with people about it or try to persuade them to see things as I see them. I am intersted in what others believe and think and I am willingt o hear their views. I don't want them to try to influence or persuade me and I will not try to influence or persuade them. Yes, I believe I should share my faith, but it is not for me push anyone to believe as I do. I'm not talking about issues of state in which there is an obligation to protect the citizen from harm. We cannot be tolerant of violent behavior. But I am thinking that most violent behavior could be prevented if people would just leave well enough alone and if they were given the freedom to express themselves. Ugh...this is is just a bunch of nonsensicle musings. I wish I were better at expressing myslef in words. At least I am becoming aware of my own shortcoming in this area and I am making an effort to improve. Ultimately I want know who I am and be mylsef and I never want to judge others for desiring and doing the same. "I lika you and you lika me"