Marianne Dashwood and Me

I have loved the works of Jane Austin since I was first introduced to Emma when I was 12. Just like any other girl, I study her characters and try to decide which is my favorite and which I am most like. Lately, I have to compare myself to Marianne Dashwood... Like Marianne, I have been infatuated these past few years with a young man not unlike Mr. Willoughby (although I must give him credit for a degree or two more morality than his fictional counterpart). He and I became fast friends and were almost inseparable. I had a great deal of admiration for him and I was not careful to conceal it. He returned my attentions and gave me reason to think that he had honorable intentions toward me. I grew very attached to him and was certain that he felt the same for me that I did for him.

However, a few of my close friends tried to warn me that he was not what I perceived him to be and even pointed out a few warning signs. I purposefully blinded myself to his faults and determined to prove them wrong. It has been almost 6 years since I first met him, and I have finally allowed myself to see the danger of pursuing a relationship with him any longer. Not long after I concluded that he was not a man of desirable character, I was allowed to see in him more qualities that confirmed my decision to discontinue any future contact with him. Now, back to Marianne...When her family first moved to Barton, Colonel Brandon took notice of her almost instantly and formed an attachment of his own. Marianne noticed his attention toward her and she resented it. She did all that she could to avoid him because she thought him old and boring...not romantic at all. I, too, have had a suitor similar to the Colonel. My Brandon counterpart is not an old man, but he is not a center-of-attention, life-of-the-party type of guy. He is actually of the quiet intelligent sort with a maturity and wisdom beyond his years. He expressed his interest in me last summer at a time when I had no desire to be with such a man. I see now that I was looking for a funny guy with a loud mouth and a rebellious streak. I wanted someone just like myself who would not "make" me change or expect me to live a separated lifestyle. My desire was to be with a worldly guy so that I could continue to be like the world. Well, my Willoughby broke my heart, but not because I was so sad to lose him. My heart was broken for the time and emotion I wasted on him and my own shallowness. I had rejected a true man of God for an imitation...worse still, I was an imitation myself. In Marianne's story, Corporal Brandon is right at her side even before she was over Willoughby. He is ready and waiting for the moment that she will have him. The story ends with their beautiful marriage ceremony and beginning of their life together. I have yet to know how my "Brandon" will respond to my past behavior and my recent change of heart. I know now that he is a good man with a desire to serve the Lord. He will lead his home with Biblical standards and he will desire his wife to submit to his authority as he seeks the will of God. I am so honored that he cared for me then, and sought to win my heart, but when he knows where my heart truly was, will he decide it is no longer worth pursuing?